Emerging from trauma usually includes a process of destroying it in the memory. For years I imagined that I was ok and imagined that I did not need to confront trauma. But it has a way of outing itself.
Our behaviours are learned. In my case the behaviours I learned were that chaos was normal, and rare quiet times were spent in a hyper-vigilant state because the next bout of chaos was imminent. And there it was, ..so this behaviour was confirmed to be correct.
The problem is that the state of hyper-vigilance becomes grooved in the brain's primitive centres. The "ok" me was actually nervous, on edge, and anxious. I'm assuming this is typical in anxiety disorders. However with ACOA related trauma there are other many other symptoms, as seen in this list by Tony A (1978).
The first time I saw this list, I almost laughed. A strange reaction; however I felt relief that I could finally begin to understand what was going on inside of my head.
by Paul Sinclair