The dream loop

Dreams have influenced many junctures of my life, and instigated actions that have had profound effects. An example might be my dream about being a police officer; and so that came to pass. Yet this wasn't a prediction coming true, but rather a subconsciously derived story that bubbled to the surface. I acted upon the emotional impulses experienced in the dream; namely a desire for respect , a need to display bravery, and a desire for esteem. 

Trauma dreams to me are so common as to be deemed normal. My sleep-scape is usually a congested highway of panic and fear, manifesting in jolts, jumps and sometimes even shaking. Then there are a set of usual suspects; returning to my old army unit for the thousandth time; being out on duty with the police & with my sworn-in powers redacted so I am reduced to a pitiful facsimile in costume; imposter syndrome.

Then there are the trauma dreams. The guilt dream where she comes back from the grave and stands silently at the door and I ask her why she isn't dead. She didn't die and has been living away somewhere for years. But I want her to be dead so I scream at her and there is no reply. Other trauma moments involve a return to the child somehow as an adult, and reliving the tempest and many of the details of my childhood. 

I have encountered a loop. Given that my film mirrors actual dream elements (the door sequence) and also is bound to real impulses and actions; it was no surprise that a dream would return a view of all of this activity. This occurred some weeks ago in an experience so intense that I woke up whimpering as described in the a recent entry. The dream subconscious  had tapped into the narrative of my film and had a verdict to deliver. The verdict was that I had been lying to myself. I immediately wrote nine pages of notes downstairs in a most lucid state. I was amazed; the dream had assimilated the fictional characters from my film and had played these characters in a way that shocked me. 

So the loop goes like this; I have now responded to it's response to me, and I was now able to see clearly my error as a result. Perhaps it will reply at some point?